My first manager noticed something I did unintentionally in meetings early in my career. He told me I was quiet in meetings, but everyone listened carefully on the rare occasions I spoke. He explained this was a great trait: striving to be the most impactful person in the room, not the loudest.
The truth is, I was probably either overwhelmed trying to absorb information (I was a super junior engineer at the time) or nervous/shy to speak whatever was on my mind. Nonetheless, my manager’s words have stuck with me throughout my career.
The advice to focus on fewer, more impactful words is hard for some people to hear, especially for those who equate more words to more intelligence and influence. But there are two strong reasons why I think that mindset is not optimal:
1. The longer you go without speaking, the more time you have to gain context and think through your thoughts.
Raw thoughts are great during brainstorming sessions. However, in other settings, they can derail the conversation and even cause the speaker to confuse themselves. The longer you let thoughts in your mind sit, the more well-formed and valuable they will be when they come out of your mouth.
2. The more time you spend listening, the more you can learn from your peers.
For this one, the adage “If you're the smartest person in the room, you're in the wrong room” comes to mind. But I don’t think it’s ever possible to be in “the wrong room.” It may be true that you can be the most knowledgeable about a specific topic. Still, regardless of experience or background, every person has the potential to contribute novel ideas. In fact, sometimes the lack of experience is precisely what you need for a fresh perspective to be discovered.
Along the same lines, I love the idea of treating everyone as your “master” because that mindset will inevitably result in learning something from anyone who shares ideas and asks questions. The problem is, if you talk too much, you don’t allow those ideas and questions to be shared.
The goal is not to remain silent but to strike a balance between speaking and listening. If you have a great idea, don’t hesitate to share it. But if you walk away from a meeting feeling like you dominated the conversation, there’s a good chance the entire group missed out on something great.